


Make this Chaos Count

by havishxm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Boyfriends, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Steve Rogers, PTSD (Implied), Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel, there will be a happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-02-29 11:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18777067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havishxm/pseuds/havishxm
Summary: Steve’s task was simple. To return the stones to when they belonged. What others didn’t know was that he had another secret mission to accomplish in the past.— Perhaps in one of the many universes he was still just that boy, so frail and ill. And there was always another boy standing by him, with a confident grin and both of his arms. Steve wanted nothing more than a happier future for them.





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caspeter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caspeter/gifts), [sxmwise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxmwise/gifts).



Steve thought he was dead. However, numerous cuts and bruises all over his body throbbed painfully. And so he was aware that he was still alive. His super strength didn’t make him invincible, although he desperately wished it did.

He immediately tried to get himself up from the ground - he couldn’t let Thanos win. He saw Thor lying not so far away from him. _God_ , he prayed that he was still breathing. From a distance he could see Carol shine like a burning sun. But even she couldn’t finish off Thanos alone. _Get up_ , he urged himself, _just one more time_ , and then he was up. 

But he wasn’t fast enough.

He saw Tony on his knees right in front of Thanos. He looked so small from far away and compared with Thanos’ unusual height. But Iron Man had his head up high. Higher than ever.

Steve tried so hard to get to Tony, but he failed.

Maybe it was just a wishful thinking, but for one second, one shining second, Steve genuinely believed that his friend would survive after using the power of the infinity stones.

 

✪

 

Everything was different now. Some people were truly gone this time and they were not coming back. Tony, Nat, Vision… His team, his family was falling apart yet again. Steve could feel Natasha’s absence more intensely. _She should’ve been here_ , he thought bitterly. She was the one that refused to give up, the glue that kept them all together.

It had always been Nat and him, staying at the Avengers HQ after a mission. One of them was out of place and another out of time. But now she wasn’t even here to see their victory. Victory. Yes, they won. But the costs were too high to pay.

They had nowhere to go since the Avengers Compound had got blown up and become the battlefield. Nick Fury somehow got the rest of them somewhere to stay. For those who needed somewhere anyway. Some of them still had a home to go back to, like Scott, Clint, T’challa and Peter. But not him. Or Bucky, or Wanda in that regard.

Their new home was a secret hiding place that located in the underground of New York City. Fury thought it’d be the best if they went unseen from the world as they recovered from the battle. That was exactly what Steve needed.

The bunker was big and had all the necessities they needed. It felt exactly like where he’d stayed during World War II. Like where he’d stayed with Bucky eighty something years ago.

But it wasn’t home. It didn’t remotely feel like it.

Steve heard a knock on his door. He opened the door and saw Sam standing outside with his clothes in a laundry basket.

Sam and Steve had spent hours in the gym earlier. They had nothing much to do but distract themselves with some intense workout.

“Shower is all yours, Cap.” Sam said. “Bucky had already showered so you can take your time.”

 _Bucky_. The name knifed across his heart with a sharp pain that he had been feeling since he let Bucky fall years ago. A strong longing suddenly struck him - he wanted nothing more than to see his best friend right now.

“Thanks, Sam.” Steve gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Seriously Fury needs to get us another bathroom. I mean, there’s only one toilet and there’s so many of us. I just don’t…” Sam kept grumbling about the bathroom as he walked back to his room.

Steve hadn’t talked much with Bucky since he came back from the portals. He’d been so caught up with his grief that he didn’t quite know how everyone else was holding up.

After his shower, he left his room without making any sounds and found Thor and Bruce cuddling on the couch watching some lame romance movie. He smiled, feeling a bit of his heart warming up. At least they found comfort in each other after everything that had happened.

He tiptoed through the hallway and found Bucky’s room. Why if Bucky didn’t want to see him? He couldn’t think of any reason why Bucky wouldn’t want to see him, but to be fair he hadn’t been himself or had a clear head lately. He leaned against the door, lost in his thoughts. “Maybe this is a bad idea… it’s late he’s probably sleeping.” Steve talked to himself, ready to turn away without knocking.

Suddenly the door opened, Steve almost fell inward on the floor. Bucky smiled, reaching out his not-metal arm for Steve to get a hold to. Steve grabbed his arm, although he actually didn’t need much help from anchoring himself.

“I thought I heard someone talking outside.” Bucky said, the smile on his face hadn’t faded.

Steve gave him an embarrassing smile. “I couldn’t sleep. Thought you might still be up,” he mumbled.

“Couldn’t sleep much either since I got back.” His smile was gone. “Want to come in?” Bucky didn’t wait for a reply though, he just pulled Steve in and closed the door behind him.

Steve looked around him. Bucky’s room was about the same size as his, with one single bed and a desk, and not much else. The bunker just lacked a feeling of home.

Bucky stared at him, dark circles under his eyes. His pajamas were all black and he left his hair loose. Steve took a deep breath and sat on one end of Bucky’s bed. Bucky sat on another end, near the pillows.

“I- I just find it hard to fall asleep these days.” Steve said quietly, avoiding eye contacts with Bucky. Bucky pat Steve on the shoulder with his right hand. “It’s okay, buddy.” Steve turned to look at Bucky. “We’re all mourning.”

Suddenly Steve felt as if he was his pre serum self again. So small and vulnerable and unable to change anything. He allowed himself to feel like that. “You know, sometimes I wish the serum would also take away my emotions or something so maybe it wouldn’t hurt this much.” Bucky said nothing so Steve just kept on talking. He found it hard to stop once he had started. “After all these years and all the fights and sacrifices, Buck, I still lost everything. Tony is dead, and so are Nat and Vision. What’s the point of winning if it hurt this bad?”

Bucky moved his hand away from Steve’s shoulder to run through his own hair. “I don’t know, Steve. But I know if you guys didn’t win I wouldn’t be here.” His eyes fixed on Steve. “With you, right now.”

Steve sighed, feeling hot tears running down on his face. “Steve...” Bucky said softly, wiping away his tears. Steve was surprised that his metal arm could be this gentle and careful too.

“I feel as if I had been cut here,“ he pointed at his heart, “and it won’t stop bleeding.”

None of them spoke for a while. Then out of nowhere Bucky pulled Steve close to him, tightly. Steve let him. It felt right.

Somehow with Bucky he didn’t need to be Captain America. He didn’t need to have everything figured out and act tough. He’d always just been that kid from Brooklyn when he was around Bucky. Steve felt a great wave of relief, mingled with another emotion he hadn’t quite noticed before.

It felt too good in Bucky’s arms that Steve started to wonder if there was such a thing as paradise and if he was there right now. But it couldn’t be, on several counts. First, the holes in his heart weren’t healed and they still pained him with every breath he took. And second, he didn’t deserve paradise.

Steve didn’t know how long it’d been since the final battle or how long he’d been in Bucky’s arms. But he could feel Bucky’s presence and his warm breath on him so nothing else mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first work i've ever posted here pls be nice to me  
> also pls comment to make my day or come talk to me about stevebucky (http://twitter.com/havishxm)


	2. Time Lapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there's some pure and sweet stevebucky content and a little bit angst as it goes on and steve realized what had to be done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls know that i'll do anything for bucky's happiness and well-being

Steve woke up in Bucky’s room and Bucky was in his arms. The bed was undoubtedly too small for two full grown men, but they didn’t mind. It was just like the old times. They always put couch cushions on the floor when Steve stayed over. Steve’s heart was filled with nostalgia. Eventually when they were old enough, they had moved in together to a small apartment in the city. His mouth curved into a smile as old memories resurfaced.

He hadn’t woken up with nothing to worry about for a while. Just simply lying here with Bucky put his mind at ease. Steve was so comfortable around Bucky. He always had been. It never occurred to him that there might be something more to their friendship until now. Steve sighed faintly at this though. He stretched his legs carefully, not wanting to disturb Bucky in his sleep. The slight movement he made made him aware of the soft blanket covering him and Bucky.

 _Bucky_. His single hold on sanity.

Even when he had nothing, he had Bucky.

Sometimes Steve felt everyone could only see Captain America when they saw him. Perhaps that was because none of them actually knew him before he turned into a super soldier. He vividly remembered that night when he recruited the members of Howling Commandos and what Bucky said to him.

_“That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I’m following him”_

Bucky saw through him. He always did. Captain America’s shiny uniform and shield never mattered to Bucky, he had always just seen Steve Rogers.

Steve’s attention was distracted when Bucky let out a loud snore. He remembered how loud Bucky’s snores were. That hadn’t changed much.

A little chuckle escaped and woke Bucky.

“Morning.” Bucky yawned. His morning breath was still horrible; that hadn’t changed either. But it didn’t bother him.

“Hi.” Steve responded, tucking a loss lock of hair behind Bucky’s ear so he could see him more clearly.

“Have you been awake long? You should’ve woke me up.” Bucky complained but his mouth curved into a smile.

“What? Wake you up and never have a second of peace again?” Steve said jokingly. Bucky burst into laughter.

“Man, it’s just like when we were kids, isn’t it?”

“Exactly like when we were kids.”

Bucky’s head rested peacefully in the curve of his shoulder as he idly played with Bucky’s hair. He liked the feeling of Bucky’s warmth, probably more than he should.

They both stayed still for a long time, but they went on and on about their childhood. For a moment, they both felt like they were children again. Careless and free and young until the war eventually broke out again and their lives changed forever.

“What do you think would happen...” Steve started to say, “if neither of us ever joined the army?”

Bucky bit his lip, thinking, and then he finally said: “I think I’d have become a cop or something and you’d go to art school.”

Suddenly Bucky’s face lit up. “Remember when we were living at that shitty apartment above an awful restaurant? You got really annoyed one day because you had planned to go to the park to draw but it wouldn’t stop raining. I had to pose for you to cheer you up.”

Steve had almost forgotten about that. He rubbed his chin, looking mildly embarrassed. “I have embarrassing stories of yours to tell too,” Steve pouted. “Don’t test me.”

“Oh?” Bucky rose an eyebrow. “Pray tell, I have nothing to hide.” He grinned at Steve.

Steve’s grin widened too. He poked Bucky in the ribs. “Maybe next time, I-”

“So there will be a next time of this?” Bucky asked, his eyes gleamed. Steve tilted his head to look at him, feeling Bucky’s hair on his cheek. “Yes.” He let out the breath he had been holding and added: “Only if you get rid of this awful and horrifying morning breath—”

Bucky laughed. Steve held him closer.

“You’re a punk.”

“Jerk.”

 

✪

 

When Steve and Bucky finally got off bed and entered the kitchen, Thor was already begging Bruce to make breakfast.

“You lazy birds are finally up!” Thor said cheerfully, waving his hands in the air like a little child. “Bruce is making breakfast.”

Steve and Bucky sat side by side at the dining table, with Thor opposite.

“Breakfast is ready!” Bruce shouted. Sam and Wanda came to join them from the living room. Breakfast was then served. From the corner of his vision, Steve could see Bruce drew slowly close to Thor, who then gave Bruce a heartfelt smile automatically. Wanda was telling Bucky about some baking show she’d become obsessed with lately. Steve had never seen her so enthusiastic and carefree before, the same went with Bucky. He sat next to him with his right hand secretly placed on Steve’s thigh under the table as he smiled to Wanda. It was as if this family of his was whole and complete again. The remaining avengers chatted and joked around without mentioning the battle or the people they’d lost.

Finally when everyone seemed to have emptied their plates, the peaceful lightheartedness seemed to vanish. An ominous constraint clouded over them.  “Alright, we have to discuss about the obvious—the stones, we gotta return them.” Bruce said, breaking the silence.

Steve looked around at his friends, one at a time, and then his eyes fell on Bucky.

He could not save everyone in this world, but he might be able to save the man sitting next to him.

They had proven that multiverses existed, and it got Steve thinking. There wasn’t a single day goes by that he didn’t think about what would happen if he hadn’t enlisted and become a super soldier and Bucky didn’t fall from the train.

Steve wanted to know what would life turn out to be if he didn’t meet Dr. Erskine on that fateful night, if Bucky didn’t ship off to England the next morning, if they didn’t become Captain America and the Winter Soldier.

Perhaps in one of the many universes he was still be that boy, so frail and ill. And there was always another boy standing by him, with a confident grin and both of his arms. Steve wanted nothing more than a happier future for them.

“I’ll go.” Steve said calmly, noticing the look of alarm that immediately flashed into Bucky’s eyes.

“I should be the one to go, I promised the Sorcerer Supreme—“ Bruce argued. “No,” Thor said abruptly, not giving Bruce the chance to finish his argument. Steve glanced at Thor; the worry in his eyes was obvious. “Well, Bruce you kind of need to be on this side to operate the machine.” Steve said, Thor cast him a grateful look.

“I will go.” Steve said again, standing up, avoiding Bucky’s gaze. “Wait,” Sam grabbed his arm. “You don’t have to go on your own.” Steve shook his head. “I have to do this _alone_.” He whispered, but he knew they could hear him. “I can’t explain it, but trust me. I know what I’m doing.” And then he left his friends at the dining table, puzzled and worried.


End file.
